Off to India!

I'm off to India tomorrow!

Hope to be able to have some time for reflection and blogging, unlike the Myanmar trip last year, which was great and lovely and fun in its own way too, and I'm glad I experienced that way (and volume!) of interaction but...

I'm been longing to have the space and freedom of solo travel again I suppose. Just to be able to be what I feel like being at that moment. To be able to make decisions and act on them on the spur of the moment. No fixed plans, no one to answer to, no one to take care of but myself. To be friendly or not. To sit or wander or get lost and take as much or as little time about it as I want without feeling guilty or like I'm missing out. To be able to think. To exercise and at the same time relax my mind. To make my own wrong decisions and suffer the consequences myself, no guilt or blame on me or anyone else. To have people see me for me, whatever I am at that moment, and I'm always someone I like better when I'm travelling alone. My own person. More free and open to what is around me perhaps because I'm more in control of how I can react. I suppose part of the challenge is to just be like that in my daily life, but well, it's a struggle. People call me out or make fun of me when I don't act according to their pre-conceived notions of how I'm supposed to act, or when I actually show what I'm feeling, and it's easier, less tiring and hurts less at least in the short run to just go with it. It's not an incorrect image. In fact it might be my default -the quiet, reserved, nothing-much-to-say, dour, pessimistic, sarcastic, slightly mean, not-life-of-the-party me, but it is just one side of me.

I do realise that perhaps my first foray into incredible India might not be the place for a return to solo travel though. But then, I was scared the first time I ventured out on my own too, even if it was just to Thailand (which was in the safe stable prosperous Thaksin years at that time), and for less than a month. I doubt Rajasthan will be as 'easy' as Thailand proved to be. Right after booking my air ticket, I started searching online for re-assurance but did not come away feeling any more settled than when I started. If anything, the litany of horror stories made me seriously reconsider not joining my 'travel companions'. It has to be said, though, that many generations of women have braved India alone, and loved it despite all the harassment that being a woman alone (foreign or not) in India apparently brings, so it is very do-able, albeit with a large dose of common sense and some bravado. Tell that to my parents though. (Oh wait, don't, 'cos I didn't. Tell them about the possibly going it alone at some parts of the trip part of the plan, that is.)

As it turns out, after a lot of vacillating, my itinerary will largely match that of my friends' so I may end up inadvertently travelling with them again, except for a detour to Bundi while they head to Jaipur, and the last couple of days after they've flown home and I linger to experience the festival of Holi.

Wish me luck! And sorry about the rant at the start... I'm sure India will be beautiful - I just hope Delhi belly doesn't hit me too hard!