i don't want to go back to singapore! back to work, to school, to family reponsibilities, to expectations of society... but then.. society may put chains upon us, but only we can close the chains and shut the locks... even knowing this, i will still go back, still get on that plane. Why? I do not know... security, familarity, the comfort of family and friends? maybe one day i will have the courage to remove those chains and fly free.. there is always a choice, and i know which option i want... but can i not fly and yet be rooted at the same time? sigh... in the meantime..
click.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
day 37
huichin, don't worry, i did go for the cooking course! haha.. i will test out my new 'skills' on you guys soon.. prepare your stomachs! It was not the one i mentioned earlier, but another place called 'the chilli club' run by a guesthouse near the one i was staying at.. think it was better cos I got to select my own menu, and there was only another nice german girl besides me, so we got good instruction and attention =) at that place there was a spanish guy and a kiwi guy the greman girl had met on a trek a few days before, and they had taken the course before and decided to extend their stay in changmai one more day and hung around while we were cooking and stealing our food when we were done =) quite fun.. had an intense (?) discussion about SATC. us 2 girls trying to explain to the spaniard why women like such a shallow show as SATC... i had planned to go to the night market to do all the last minute souvenior shopping, but it started storming in the evening and didn't stop all night... so.. today's plans to go see museums and wats will be saved for another time while i go shop at the day market and maybe get a massage.. heh.. got to relax on my last day instead of racing ard on a bicycle or songthraew what..
there are lots and lots of things i missed out over the entire trip, will prob try to fill them in when i get home... there have been so many things, people, events, places that are worthy or note, and i have not done them justice, and i am scared that i will forget if i don't record them down (been too lazy to scribble in journal).
6 h to my flight. a smelly fat old white guy just sat beside me, so i've GOT to move.. see all of you soon!
there are lots and lots of things i missed out over the entire trip, will prob try to fill them in when i get home... there have been so many things, people, events, places that are worthy or note, and i have not done them justice, and i am scared that i will forget if i don't record them down (been too lazy to scribble in journal).
6 h to my flight. a smelly fat old white guy just sat beside me, so i've GOT to move.. see all of you soon!
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Raindrops keep falling on my head..
Just came back to changmai from the hilltribe village near changrai. I loved the village and the family we were staying with.. julin was there last year for her YEP trip and is still there now.. I was very sad to leave, even though I spent hardly any time with them, cos the mother and the little girl were so nice.. didn't take any pics though. No mood, but you must take my word (and maybe I'll try to get jl's pics from last time) that its a beautiful place.. Really gives meaning to all those notes and museum exhibits I'd been reading and seeing before we went..
On Saturday we spent the day at changrai university, watching the Freshie Games, cos our host just started there and is in the football team. They seem very young.. younger than when we were their age.. I think thais in general look younger than lao people, whose faces so often start to reflect hardship, suffering, and a maturity beyond their years no matter what age they are... It makes them very beautiful though, the sadness and at the same time serenity in their eyes...
Tam (our changer host) was telling us about how his village was originally from Burma, and how fearful life was there, and I remembered what Xai (the photographer guy in Vientiane) was telling me about how when he was young his family hid out in the forest and mountains from the communists, and how so many in his village were killed, and also what Mr. Boun Sai (my host in Si Phan Don) would point to the mountains across the river, telling me that that's Cambodia, and how there are many bad people there, and suddenly the myriad of old scars on his chest and back jumped out at me.. I didn't dare to ask, and he didn't say.. But still...
Remembering all these certainly puts everything I've been going through in perspective... Also just finished reading cloud atlas. Good book, suited the trip and the mood. I realize.. humans will always harm and hurt each other, intentionally or not.. Is it possible to assign blame? I don't think so... But sometimes the only person you can really rely on is yourself. I'm been asked a couple of times on this trip: why do you travel alone? I gave the normal answers of own time own target: freedom, flexibility, locals find you more approachable, you seek to meet new people more, etc etc... But in the past few days, I think I have found the real answer: when I am alone, I will never feel truly lonely. Oh, I may miss home, and friends, but home and friends will then remain a good memory, something to look forward to.. But reality never fulfils the promises that dreams make. The loneliest moments are when you are with friends or supposedly in a group and yet are so disconnected, unwanted, not spoken to, not needed, not valued, not....
but I am grateful that I am still good enough company for myself, if not for anyone else... 'to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance' - Oscar Wilde. I still love all of you guys =)) just trying to find something sort of stable to stand on for now.... came back to changmai today cos I wanted to go for this overnight 'intro to Buddhism and meditation' workshop at one of the wats and Buddhist training centers, but got back too late in the afternoon for that... Will just spend more time sitting in one wat or another I guess, or buy a book and try to learn on my own...
saw this sign in a wat: Buddhist beliefs:
1. Always do good
2. Never do evil, never harm another living being
3. Meditate often. Always keep a peaceful spot in your mind/heart you can go back to.
I have been taking lots of photos of clouds, skies, flowers, mountains, rivers.. The eternal, the ethereal, the ephemeral. If I cannot find joy in my present life, that is where I have to look for joy in...
was also planning to see some museums and another wat tml, but realised that they will be closed! argh... Wanted to do a cooking course on tues (saw a pamphlet the other time and they look like nice cute people), so I will be lazing ard tml.. Other option is to get a tour of some sort, probably trekking, but a bit unwilling to spend on that, and to see hilltribes accustomed to tourists...
hmm.. I think the rain has finally eased.. Can go to the Sunday night market to look for jason's lamp now =)
woah.. I'm been away for 34 days.. Be back in another 3...
On Saturday we spent the day at changrai university, watching the Freshie Games, cos our host just started there and is in the football team. They seem very young.. younger than when we were their age.. I think thais in general look younger than lao people, whose faces so often start to reflect hardship, suffering, and a maturity beyond their years no matter what age they are... It makes them very beautiful though, the sadness and at the same time serenity in their eyes...
Tam (our changer host) was telling us about how his village was originally from Burma, and how fearful life was there, and I remembered what Xai (the photographer guy in Vientiane) was telling me about how when he was young his family hid out in the forest and mountains from the communists, and how so many in his village were killed, and also what Mr. Boun Sai (my host in Si Phan Don) would point to the mountains across the river, telling me that that's Cambodia, and how there are many bad people there, and suddenly the myriad of old scars on his chest and back jumped out at me.. I didn't dare to ask, and he didn't say.. But still...
Remembering all these certainly puts everything I've been going through in perspective... Also just finished reading cloud atlas. Good book, suited the trip and the mood. I realize.. humans will always harm and hurt each other, intentionally or not.. Is it possible to assign blame? I don't think so... But sometimes the only person you can really rely on is yourself. I'm been asked a couple of times on this trip: why do you travel alone? I gave the normal answers of own time own target: freedom, flexibility, locals find you more approachable, you seek to meet new people more, etc etc... But in the past few days, I think I have found the real answer: when I am alone, I will never feel truly lonely. Oh, I may miss home, and friends, but home and friends will then remain a good memory, something to look forward to.. But reality never fulfils the promises that dreams make. The loneliest moments are when you are with friends or supposedly in a group and yet are so disconnected, unwanted, not spoken to, not needed, not valued, not....
but I am grateful that I am still good enough company for myself, if not for anyone else... 'to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance' - Oscar Wilde. I still love all of you guys =)) just trying to find something sort of stable to stand on for now.... came back to changmai today cos I wanted to go for this overnight 'intro to Buddhism and meditation' workshop at one of the wats and Buddhist training centers, but got back too late in the afternoon for that... Will just spend more time sitting in one wat or another I guess, or buy a book and try to learn on my own...
saw this sign in a wat: Buddhist beliefs:
1. Always do good
2. Never do evil, never harm another living being
3. Meditate often. Always keep a peaceful spot in your mind/heart you can go back to.
I have been taking lots of photos of clouds, skies, flowers, mountains, rivers.. The eternal, the ethereal, the ephemeral. If I cannot find joy in my present life, that is where I have to look for joy in...
was also planning to see some museums and another wat tml, but realised that they will be closed! argh... Wanted to do a cooking course on tues (saw a pamphlet the other time and they look like nice cute people), so I will be lazing ard tml.. Other option is to get a tour of some sort, probably trekking, but a bit unwilling to spend on that, and to see hilltribes accustomed to tourists...
hmm.. I think the rain has finally eased.. Can go to the Sunday night market to look for jason's lamp now =)
woah.. I'm been away for 34 days.. Be back in another 3...
Thursday, June 16, 2005
chicken and duck talk
when that happens, what results is an unintended songthraew taxi ride around the city.. then to the outskirts of the district... haha.. first the driver didn't know where we wanted to go, but told us to get in anyway, and we went round and round the city till he found his friends who spoke a little english.. finally managed to get to where we wanted to go: the Hilltribe Museum, which turned out to be really ulu.. not many people, and the 'outdoor exhibits' of hilltribe house reconstructions was all barbed wired up and the paths inside overgrown with chickens and dogs running all over... got chased out by one of them dogs... think julin is too much of a cat.. in all my time travelling in laos and thailand, both of which have lots and lots of dogs ard, I have never gotten such a reception from them as I did today. they all barked at us and chased us away
=( sigh..
then when we tried to get back to the city, we got onto a songthraew going in the wrong direction, so when we finally saw a sign on the other side of the road pointing to 'changmai' we got off immediately. way back was thankfully less eventful.. lunch at market.. coffee/tea at a very nice cafe in a beautiful house we passed by... then sunset at Wat Suan Dok... haven't had dinner... getting hungry.. and very tired...
tml we will prob bus to changrai in the afternoon. Meeting julin's village friends at night, then will head to the village i think.. not sure about internet or handphone reception there, but will definately be back in changmai the night before my flight: tues 21jun.
=( sigh..
then when we tried to get back to the city, we got onto a songthraew going in the wrong direction, so when we finally saw a sign on the other side of the road pointing to 'changmai' we got off immediately. way back was thankfully less eventful.. lunch at market.. coffee/tea at a very nice cafe in a beautiful house we passed by... then sunset at Wat Suan Dok... haven't had dinner... getting hungry.. and very tired...
tml we will prob bus to changrai in the afternoon. Meeting julin's village friends at night, then will head to the village i think.. not sure about internet or handphone reception there, but will definately be back in changmai the night before my flight: tues 21jun.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
yay! julin's coming over tml! =))
meanwhile i've got abt 2 whole days to myself. Shall go recce the city and check out the wats inside the city walls... and see if i have time to go out... need to rent a bicycle.. darn, wish i knew how to ride a motorbike.. then can go so many other places (like the crafts village.. hmm.. maybe its good i don't know how to motorbike =P)
yesterday went to doi suthrup with the guys.. its quite high up n the mountains. noticably cooler air. lots of mist. good view if not for the rain clouds over the city...
running out of internet time..so.. maybe tonight shall write more: its cheaper to internet than to walk the night market and shop!
meanwhile i've got abt 2 whole days to myself. Shall go recce the city and check out the wats inside the city walls... and see if i have time to go out... need to rent a bicycle.. darn, wish i knew how to ride a motorbike.. then can go so many other places (like the crafts village.. hmm.. maybe its good i don't know how to motorbike =P)
yesterday went to doi suthrup with the guys.. its quite high up n the mountains. noticably cooler air. lots of mist. good view if not for the rain clouds over the city...
running out of internet time..so.. maybe tonight shall write more: its cheaper to internet than to walk the night market and shop!
Sunday, June 12, 2005
changmai!
ooofff... quite tired after the 3 days of travelling. and i mean on the move travelling. 10h boat ride to Pak Beng on the 10th, 8h boat ride to Huay Xai on the 11th, then the border crossing and 6h bus ride to changmai today... nice scenery on the boat ride though... the guys just came back from their trekking/elephant/whatever tour. I'm waiting for them to wash up so we can go to the night market for dinner =) they'll be leaving tml afterall..
Met lots of people on the long long boat ride. Most friendly was this old (relatively) rich french guy working for an NGO who went to vientiane to see something about a big dam project somewhere in laos, funded by the world bank.. started talking about what makes quality of life,. the situation in Laos economically, historically.... its like when i was in Tat Lo and talking to a welsh lady about the myanmar situation, or that american guy in the same place about hiedigger and oscar wilde and total crap like how to say "you're as smart as a moth" as convincingly as possible or about 'macaroni architecture'... =)) and of course people are always fascinated by the chinese language and religion (?) and about the multi-ethnicity of singapore... it's great meeting people who can talk about things other than the usual where have they/you been, how long is their/your stay etc...
In Huay Xai 2 brit girls invited me to join their table. They just came over from thailand, and started telling me about the massage and cooking courses they took here.. now i am feeling rather 'gian' about taking up a 1-day cooking course.. but its not cheap.. sigh... also traded info with another guy staying in the same guesthouse.. looks like a nice sort, and reccomemded me the bungy jump here. said its worth the 1,400B... tempted, but i don't have that much baht to spare.. maybe should not shop so much =P which means less presents for you people, haha...
Laos laos.. i wanna go back... =(
Met lots of people on the long long boat ride. Most friendly was this old (relatively) rich french guy working for an NGO who went to vientiane to see something about a big dam project somewhere in laos, funded by the world bank.. started talking about what makes quality of life,. the situation in Laos economically, historically.... its like when i was in Tat Lo and talking to a welsh lady about the myanmar situation, or that american guy in the same place about hiedigger and oscar wilde and total crap like how to say "you're as smart as a moth" as convincingly as possible or about 'macaroni architecture'... =)) and of course people are always fascinated by the chinese language and religion (?) and about the multi-ethnicity of singapore... it's great meeting people who can talk about things other than the usual where have they/you been, how long is their/your stay etc...
In Huay Xai 2 brit girls invited me to join their table. They just came over from thailand, and started telling me about the massage and cooking courses they took here.. now i am feeling rather 'gian' about taking up a 1-day cooking course.. but its not cheap.. sigh... also traded info with another guy staying in the same guesthouse.. looks like a nice sort, and reccomemded me the bungy jump here. said its worth the 1,400B... tempted, but i don't have that much baht to spare.. maybe should not shop so much =P which means less presents for you people, haha...
Laos laos.. i wanna go back... =(
Thursday, June 09, 2005
conversations
had quite a few of those with various monks today =) the guys had a kayaking tour today, thenI saw the girls off this morning, had a nap, and went for a walk to see all the rest of the wats.. weather not too good today: raining on and off, but everytime i took refuge in a wat the monks would always approach the sim (where i am leaning on the parapet looking out trying to look cool =P) and talk to me, to practice their english.. also been meeting a lot of people i met earlier on this trip. Saw an australian guy i met at Tat Lo at the night market here the night before, and today i met the brit couple i meet at champasak.. had a chat with both.. will prob be on the same bat to pak beng tomorrow morning with the brits... I wil be taking the slow 2 day boat ride to the thai border at huay xai, while the guys have opted for the 6h speed boat so they will have more time to see changmai... i may stay a night in changrai if there is anything to see there.. not sure.. but will meet the guys again when i reach changmai... it's a lazy day... and i need to get back to the guesthouse to meet the guys for dinner... then shop again =)) the shopping here is actually quite good.. maybe next time can come here to shop... with more money and luggage space... though i have already 'tom pang-ed' quite a bit of stuff for edlyn to bring back to spore =P from tml i will have to get used to my initial travelling style again, since i seem to have gotten kind of comfortable with the current style (which isn't luxourious, but isn't really scrimping either). So. I am doing well, and will be on thai soil in 2 days.. sigh.. i am definately coming back to laos if i have the chance to.. and soon...
Monday, June 06, 2005
LP!!
I'm in Luang Prabang! UNESCO World Heritage site, though most of the temples are not that old, but all look very pretty.. Just got here early early this morning, found a guesthouse, then slept till lunchtime.. Saw the monks going on their morning round of alms collecting.. A guy we meet in Vientiane yesterday told us its about 300++ monks in the line... He's a LP local, been a novice monk for 6 yrs, just went to Vientiane a month ago to start studying in the university. Very smooth talker. We were walking in That Luang, the big impt monument in Vientiane when he approached us 3 girls and we were wondering how long it would take the guys to come and 'rescue' us...
Journey here was at night. 10h by bus through the mountains. Think we missed a lot of wonderful scenery, glimpses of which I caught whenever lightning flashed and the siloulettes of the limestone mountains and fields and valleys were lighted for a couple of seconds... For a stretch it was very misty, and you see the fields and a few trees and the mist and the mountains.. Very atmospheric, and very pretty.. And maybe a little eerie...
Just booked a tour for tml to go to Pak Ou caves (with lots of Buddhas inside), some villages, and Tat Kuang Si (a waterfall). The guys may go kayaking the day after while we girls wack the market and wats and museum...
Journey here was at night. 10h by bus through the mountains. Think we missed a lot of wonderful scenery, glimpses of which I caught whenever lightning flashed and the siloulettes of the limestone mountains and fields and valleys were lighted for a couple of seconds... For a stretch it was very misty, and you see the fields and a few trees and the mist and the mountains.. Very atmospheric, and very pretty.. And maybe a little eerie...
Just booked a tour for tml to go to Pak Ou caves (with lots of Buddhas inside), some villages, and Tat Kuang Si (a waterfall). The guys may go kayaking the day after while we girls wack the market and wats and museum...
Sunday, June 05, 2005
last day in vientiane
been taking lots of photos.. yesterday after a tour of the wats in the main part of town, i left them to go to a wat further away with a traditional lao sauna and massage,where i met a nice local guy who is a comp student and works as a graphic designer/ photographer/ layout/ videographer for a lao-american magazine. He takes fantastic pictures and i met him for dinner later that night so he could pass me something to pass to his friend in spore... had a great time and found out more about how people here actually live and what's the situation and their history and all...=))) anyway the wat was pretty nice, in a forest setting, i talked to a few of the monks, one of whom led me to the massage place.. and i left my loney planet with the rest and the map from the old old photocopied footprint i had was useless so i ended up asking a lot of people along the way for directions in my broken lao =) and so got many smiles and nice encounters =)
hoping to get an overnight bus to luang prabang tonight... so i won't get to see the wonderful scenery and experience the rollercoaster daredevil driving skills of the driver as he negociates the mountains...
5 more days with the girls, 9 more with the guys (who are really 1st time backpackers and just scream tourist and have been staying in hotels and will prob be overcharged for everything).
there's so much more to say.. but i've still got to go check and maybe book tonight's bus then meet them at the market and i still haven't had breakfast.. so.. ciao.. internet in vientiane is actually pretty cheap, wish i had more time to talk though =)
hoping to get an overnight bus to luang prabang tonight... so i won't get to see the wonderful scenery and experience the rollercoaster daredevil driving skills of the driver as he negociates the mountains...
5 more days with the girls, 9 more with the guys (who are really 1st time backpackers and just scream tourist and have been staying in hotels and will prob be overcharged for everything).
there's so much more to say.. but i've still got to go check and maybe book tonight's bus then meet them at the market and i still haven't had breakfast.. so.. ciao.. internet in vientiane is actually pretty cheap, wish i had more time to talk though =)
Friday, June 03, 2005
back in vientiane
hmm... what to say.. vang vieng was beautiful, as i have already noted. I got a bloody hard slap on my back from some old senile man as i was walking down the street there. We stayed another day cos well, we decided to spend a day just lazing around. Good thing we did too, cos the day after, yesterday, we cycled to see 2 more caves, both of which involved some climbing to get to them, and both of which were beautiful, with blue-green lovely waters and lovely views over the valley... Last night went to a guidebook listed restuarant, which turned out to have quite a few 'happy' offerings... and not so good food.. This morning we came back to vientiane. raining almost all the way. we missed the bus so took a songthraew. not sure how the other 2 liked it cos it was dripping, but i wanted them to at least kind of experience that once, even if its not quite the real quashed dusty experience...
guesthouse at the moment not as good as the previous one, but cheaper: us$2 per person. more in the center of town too.
feeling a bit tired from travelling with other people. wish i was still on my own, for many reasons. ah well. But Laos is still a fantastically beauitful country and i still believe that the people here are wonderfully nice. Less detail in the blog and less blogging cos the other 2 are not as internet/blogging crazy as i and i don't think they know how to get back to the guesthouse or walk ard by themselves so... i'd better go rescue them from the couch now, and go for dinner..
guesthouse at the moment not as good as the previous one, but cheaper: us$2 per person. more in the center of town too.
feeling a bit tired from travelling with other people. wish i was still on my own, for many reasons. ah well. But Laos is still a fantastically beauitful country and i still believe that the people here are wonderfully nice. Less detail in the blog and less blogging cos the other 2 are not as internet/blogging crazy as i and i don't think they know how to get back to the guesthouse or walk ard by themselves so... i'd better go rescue them from the couch now, and go for dinner..
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